Godly Ways to Deal with Negative People & Situations

never give away

Godly Ways to Deal with Negative People & Situations

Things that God and life have taught me.
By Doris J. High


If you are interacting with negative people (and who doesn’t?) and they are people you have to deal with on a regular basis – like a friend, spouse, family member, or coworker – you should never blame them.

Never give your inner peace away by blaming others for what you feel or don’t feel.

That is indeed what you do when you blame another person for your reaction. The moment you give away your inner peace, you become a victim of your circumstances and you begin a pattern of living under your circumstances instead of above them. Blaming another person or circumstance for your problems or thought life will take up way too much of your time and energy, causing you to get stuck (sometimes even lost) in a really dark place – maybe for a very long time.

Sometimes other people do not know they are negative or that they are affecting you in a negative way. Other times you and they know there is negativity going on and you are both trapped in a pattern of being unkind or negative to each other.

The following is what has worked for me in dealing with those who seem to have been born on the negative side of life. I do not get this right every day. Sometimes negative people cause me to internalize a situation and I fail to assume responsibility for my thought pattern. This is not all inclusive, but a beginning – a goal.

Assume Responsibility

If you do not assume responsibility for your thoughts, you will become a victim – the kind of person who goes nowhere and does nothing because you might run into the people who hurt you or someone else in your life. If you do not assume responsibility for your thoughts, every negative situation will drain your energy and drag you down.

Use each situation to your advantage. When you are in the same place as negative people – church, family gathering, work-related meeting, or place of business – treat them like you want to be treated. Treat them like they are valuable to you. If they avoid you, try again at a later date. Only you can assume responsibility for your part in the situation. You cannot make the other person assume their part of the responsibility. Only God can do that, and He may begin working in their life if you do your part.

Remember their birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions; extend sympathy on the death of a loved one. Express concern if they are ill. When you hear someone say something nice about them, call, text, write, or email them a note.  Keep on doing that, even if they don’t respond or seem to care about any of your special dates or pain.

Ask God to give you wisdom for assuming this kind of responsibility. Ask Him to give you creative ideas in encouraging those who are negative and unforgiving. Make others wonder how you can be at peace and live in joy during painful, negative situations. Assume responsibility for your reaction.

Don’t Take Your Thoughts Too Seriously

This is one of the most powerful lessons I have learned from God and from life because it is one of Satan’s most powerful tools – especially at night – because our minds are constantly looking for trouble.

Change your focus. For me this is easier during the day, because I think more rationally then, and I can easily go to a Bible verse that is powerful for me in negative moments. If this happens during the night and I know that I cannot go back to sleep because of the negative whirlwind in my mind, I get out of bed, go to my favorite recliner, read Bible verses or listen to songs that shift my focus. Christian radio or TV help me change a thinking pattern. (I do this whenever I can’t sleep – even if I don’t have anything negative going on in my mind. Maybe I just had too much caffeine after lunch.)

Maybe your negative thought pattern is not concerning a person, but a situation like the death of a loved one or something awful that has happened in your life – like abuse or a traffic accident. Maybe your negative thought pattern is worry.

Be patient with yourself and give God time, but never give up on moving toward assuming responsibility for your thought pattern. If you give up, you will move toward a dark, negative place. Happiness and peace of mind do not come to those who give up practicing God’s presence or remembering the teachings of Jesus. Reread the beatitudes. Write down any verses or quotes that help guide you toward peace of mind. Keep them in your face at work and in your house.

If it is more than you can handle, please get help with a professional.

Let Go of the Need to Complain

Ouch! That one hits me sometimes, and I have learned that complaining only drives me into another negative thought pattern. There are times to share concerns with the proper person – but do it in a positive way. If we share it in a negative, whining way – even to our spouse, good friend, sibling, or co-worker – it will also drag them down. When we do that, we become the “negative person” in their life.

When we complain we are not assuming responsibility for our part of the situation. The Bible says we should do all things without complaining. My greatest motivation to keep from complaining is 1 Corinthians 10:10 (The Voice): You need to stop your groaning and whining. Remember the story. Some of them complained, and the messenger of death came for them and destroyed them. (That is in reference to the children of Israel and their desert wandering.) Read 1 Corinthians 10. You will notice that complaining is listed with some of the sins that we consider awful – separating us from God.

Complaining is sin and a waste of time.

Focus on God and Good Things

Focus on the good things about a negative person and the good things in life. Be the person who changes “your world.” We can’t change other people, their situations, or even some of our situations. Death, divorce, pain, and all kinds of negative things will happen in your world and theirs.

Encourage others to focus on good things. Help yourself focus on good things. Those who know me know that photography is something I love. It is a fabulous way to change focus. I have learned to look for light and shadows that I never noticed before. Setting up and posting Bible verses (using one of my photos) on my blog and Facebook each morning is amazing therapy toward training my thought life for the day. On difficult days I go back to the verse many times, because it helps me refocus. Counted cross-stitch is another thing that helps me change focus because it takes a lot of concentration. There are other things I enjoy during my down time, like computer games, but I find they are only good for me when I am exhausted from work and need to do something mindless. If I play them when I am feeling negative about something, they give me too much time to think.

Find things that help you focus on good – it may be cooking, exercising, volunteering, scrapbooking, writing, or painting. Find your focus. Always include Bible reading and good books. I love autobiographies.

When you are with a person who causes you to move toward negativity, work even harder at not thinking or being negative. Withdrawing from them or saying snippy remarks will not help them or you to change focus, plus when we do that, we are not assuming responsibility for our own thought process. You may have to walk away for a bit or purposefully listen. (Sometimes I have to do this by putting my finger over my mouth to remind me to listen and not talk.) :)

Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here’s what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you’re worth. 1 Peter 3:8-11The Message


Assume responsibility for your own thoughts and emotions.

Don’t take your thoughts too seriously.

Let go of the need to complain

Focus on God and good things.

Never give your inner peace away to a bad situation or another person’s negativity.

Ringnecks in Our Yard

There are at least three ringneck pheasants in our yard each morning, often only one at a time, but sometimes I see three on the edge of the cornfield.

DSC_4811It is fun watching them.

DSC_4869A pheasant and a crow searching for breakfast.


DSC_4873Then a squirrel joined him.


DSC_4874Pheasants remind me of royalty because of their beautiful feathers and regal strut.

Puppy ~ Dinner ~ Train Station

Sunday, November 15

1 (1)After seeing our granddaughter Diana’s Facebook entry introducing Ralph (puppy) to her readers, I told her that I would love to meet him.

He is a Rottweiler (I think I got that right) and a gift from her handsome boyfriend Donovan.

1 (2)We were delighted that they brought him to see us.

1 (3)Later in the evening we went to Checkers Bistro in Lancaster to meet our daughter Deb and son-in-law Roy for her belated birthday supper.

Lancaster is a great meeting place for us as we live about half an hour north of Lancaster and they live half an hour south of Lancaster.

1 (4)We were a bit early so I took a few pictures in the foyer.

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1 (8)Cerwin was trying to remember what this building was when he was a young boy, then when he saw these on the wall, he asked the host if this used to be a forge. He said, “Yes”, and showed us a book with a bit of the history.

There is also some history on the Internet: http://www.championfancorp.com/aboutus
The origins of Champion Blower & Forge date from a day in 1874 when Henry B. Keiper, then a 16 year old driving a furniture wagon, watched a blacksmith shoe one of his horses. Keiper realized that a rotary blower would relieve the blacksmith from pumping the bellows to fan the fire in the forge.Champion Blower & Forge Co. was founded in Lancaster, PA in 1875 by Keiper. Along with blacksmith forges and rotary blowers, Champion Blower & Forge Co. manufactured tire benders and tire shrinkers. In the early 1900’s the company started manufacturing centrifugal fans, drill presses, and power hacksaws… (more on the website if you’re interested)

1 (10)Before long Roy and Deb arrived and we were ushered to our table. We were early, so the tables were still empty. By the time we left, most tables were filled.

2This is what happened when I took a picture of this table without a flash. I like what happened to the candles. :)


1 (9)The menu



DSC_4796What fun to spend the evening with Deb and Roy.

DSC_4798Cerwin and Deb got steak

DSC_4799Roy’s chicken

DSC_4801My fish du jour. If I remember correctly is was swordfish. Yummy!

The side was carrots.

DSC_4802Cerwin’s dessert

DSC_4803Deb’s cream puffs and ice cream

DSC_4804Roy got vanilla ice cream and a cookie.

DSC_4805You guessed it. I got my usual crème brulee.


When we finished and said our goodbyes, we went to the train station to pick up our grandson Josiah. He went to Maine and back via train for a friend’s wedding, but left his pickup truck keys in Maine. A friend (in a car) brought them along back to Pennsylvania, and arrived at our house later in the evening. Cerwin took Josiah back to the train station, and he was on his way home – about an hour north of us.

That was a full, fun day.

Love our family.

Berries I Never Noticed

Saturday, November 14

11-14 (7)We got a treadmill several weeks ago and put it in the guest room.

Because I like to walk with the solar blinds up so I can see what is going on outside both windows – I have the blinds totally open.

11-14 (6)One day when the sun was shinning on our fire bush, I thought I noticed berries.

When I was finished walking, I went outside to check.

There were berries!

I never noticed that this bush had berries – and it’s a very old bush!

In my favor – the bush is behind the house in an area where I don’t spend a lot of time. :)

11-14 (5)That reminded me of one of my favorite poems.


Moments of Awareness
Inspirational Verses
by Helen Lowrie Marshall

So much of life we all pass by

With heedless ear, and careless eye.

Bent with our cares we plod along,

Blind to the beauty, deaf to the song.


But moments there are when we pause to rest

And turn our eyes from the goal’s far crest.

We become aware of the wayside flowers,

And sense God’s hand in this world of ours.


We hear a refrain, see a rainbow’s end,

Or we look into the heart of a friend.

We feel at one with mankind. We share

His griefs and glories, joy and care.


The sun flecks gold through the sheltering trees,

And we shoulder our burdens with twice the ease.

Peace and content and a world that sings

The moment of true awareness brings.