Saturday, March 7, 2026, at 9:00 am

This was the beautiful welcome sign as we entered the narthex of our church.

The coffee, tea, and parfait bar

I arrived early to get photos before the area was full of ladies. Brieanna was putting the finishing touches to the spritzer and parfait bar.

Fruit and tea leaves for our cups of spritzer or water

Windowsill decorations in the sanctuary. This type of decoration was also on the tables in the fellowship hall.

The pulpit area was decorated with roses from which each lady was encouraged to take a rose before the late morning and afternoon session.

While in the sanctuary, I noticed our main speaker for the day, Darla Hackman, from Life Counseling Ministries, going over her notes.

The kitchen was busy with those who were preparing brunch. Most of them were Brenda Hershey’s daughters, granddaughters, mother, and friends. Brenda was doing double duty as meal coordinator and one of the morning’s speakers.

Brenda’s granddaughter Maddie and daughter Katie.

Brenda’s ninety-year-old mother, Martha

A sampling of desserts awaiting us when it was time for brunch.

I was told that they were expecting 185 ladies for brunch

9:00 am. Time for the first session. This year’s theme was “Through the Thorns: A Path Laced with Grace.”

Loss and disappointment touch each of us – Broken relationships, declining health, the shifting of hopes and dreams, and the passing of loved ones.

The first session was opened by singing a few songs led by Kim Kampen.

LaWanda Miller, a committee member welcomed us and gave us a layout for the morning.

Darla opened with a short challenge, “Who would you be if you never had to deal with grief?

It is not so much what happens to us, but what happens within us.”

I was sure I took pictures when the ladies from our church spoke, but I must have been so interested in their stories that I forgot to take pictures. I do have this picture of them waiting for their turn to speak: First is Brenda Hershey (my sister-in-law), Shaina Snyder (friend – leaning forward), and Melissa Sauder (my niece). Darla is the fourth one.

Brenda Hershey shared about the time she and her husband, my brother Steve, lost the dairy part of the homestead farm which they were operating, when the entire farm was sold and they had to find another place to live. “How could that happen on our watch.” It helped us to make a list of things we don’t miss since leaving the farm: frozen pipes, help not showing up to milk, etc. Our conclusion: “God knows better than we do. Life is not all about us. God brought in new young energy within our family. We love what they are doing with the farm and that the 6th and 7th generation of the Hershey’s are there and expecting an 8th generation member this month.”

Shaina Snyder shared about their many years of trying to conceive a baby, then in November 2022 after thirteen years of marriage, they discovered she was pregnant. Only to discover it was no longer living when at their first sonagram. They were told they would experience a miscarriage before long. That did happen and she was able to hold their tiny baby between two fingers and see eyes, arms, and legs developing. “Did God not care about their pain?” During that time the word “hope” came to them in a variety of ways confirming that God was with them in the midst of their pain.

Melissa Sauder’s story was about her breast cancer, a double mastectomy, reconstruction, and a pregnancy during reconstruction. That happened twelve years ago. “Waiting is the most challenging thing during a cancer diagnosis and having to continue to do life with three children and a new one on the way.” We learned that God’s viewpoint is different from ours.”

I liked that she included some funny happenings. Before reconstruction she could choose the size of her new breasts. “I was not blessed in that area, so chose one size larger” :). During reconstruction they were looking for some skin and fat from her body. She suggested her belly, but they said there is not enough skin there. She suggested they look again. I am sure there is enough skin and fat there. 🙂

Darla concluded the early morning session. “These stories maximize God’s faithfulness during painful situations and losses.” She told us a bit of her story which involves hearing-loss. She was born with little hearing and talked about some of her childhood struggles due to lack of hearing, which included her speech. Some of the things she felt were isolation and shame.

Shame has great power if we don’t turn our painful situations into victory.

She became interested in being involved in counseling on grief when visiting a First Nations Reservation and saw the shame and isolation of suicide.

She said, “I was able to conquer the shame of hearing loss by seeing and feeling God’s faithfulness and learning that He is always with me. His faithfulness gave me hope. What is hope? Hope is knowing that my pain is a big thing to Him. My grief is only a small part of His bigger plan for me.”

“Grief is like glitter. At first, it is everywhere. You can’t get away from it, but eventually you are able to remove glitter – piece by piece. Then many years later you may find a piece of glitter that had been hidden from you, and you may even be able to smile at the memory.”

Brieanna Heisey closed the first session with instructions for brunch.

I wanted to get a photo when the tables were full of ladies, but was having too much fun visiting with our daughter, Deb, and granddaughter, Lydia, who were with me for the day. Our granddaughter, Jenna, and her daughter, Estella, joined us for lunch. That is my excuse for not remembering to get a photo before the meal was almost over and many of the ladies were visiting or had gone back to the sanctuary.

One of the first things we did in the second session was sing this song.

I love these words.

Darla: “God answered my prayer “to give me hearing” in a different way than I expected.” Right now, I am also experiencing Chronic Lyme Disease which steals my physical and emotional energy. I wonder if I will ever get my health back. Sometimes I wish I knew when my health would come back – if God would give me a date that I could mark on my calendar.

What is the best way to respond to losses? Be honest. Do not allow yourself to have a “victim” attitude. We don’t get to choose our losses or emotions, but we get to choose what we do with them.

There is no real shortcut to get through loss and grief, but sometimes we try to take a shortcut by going across the center line from denial to redefined passion. Many people go back and forth between the feelings on the lower part of this graph.

The dark night of my soul. Loss can destroy or build you.

Grief doesn’t ask to be healed; it asks to be carried.

Joy is forged in sorrow.

We took a break to stand and sing this beautiful song.

Lament is a passionate expression of sorrow.

Lament keeps our heart soft.

God knows what is within us, so we might as well know it too.

She said, “Withing is probably not a word, but I like it.” I like knowing that God is with me. Jesus is with me. The Holy Spirit is within me.

Some of her closing words were: Breathe out pain, breath in healing. Breath out sorrow, breathe in joy.

There was a sheet filled with eighteen examples of Blessed are Helpers.

I will give you just a few of my favorite:

Blessed are helpers who pray.

Blessed are helpers who are not afraid of cemeteries.

Blessed are helpers who remember anniversaries, notice children, and give grief a voice.

Blessed are helpers who remember that grief sharing is vital Kingdom work.

Andi Groff closed this most helpful and wonderful day.

If you would like to listen to either or both sessions, go to White Oak Church website White Oak Church. If you need a password, it is Penryn (capital P). Click on “Sermon Streaming” then “Regular Sermons” then scroll down to Ladies Fellowship. Session 1 included Darla, Brenda, Shania, and Melissa. Session 2 is Darla’s main session.